Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
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