I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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