Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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