I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize