Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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