Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
