Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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