John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
