he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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