all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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