he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
