Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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