I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
