that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
His hands were made for my vagina.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
