Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
