The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
