his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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