Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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