You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
