Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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