I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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