Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
