I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
