There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
