A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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