I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
