i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Randomize
