glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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