she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
