I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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