i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
