I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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