He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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