i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
