mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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