I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
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Do I have a choice?
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I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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