im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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