I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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