i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
