Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
