I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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