dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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