I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Be still, my beating vagina.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
