oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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