therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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