I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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