College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
