Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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