Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
