Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
