True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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