i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Barsexuality is the new black.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
