u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He better not be in your backpack
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
