I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
