last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
