Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
