Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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