I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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