found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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