just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
