Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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