So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
