guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
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