Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
