whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
