I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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