I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
