we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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