I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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