I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm like, not good at living.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
