C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
