OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
