But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
