I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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