I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize