dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
