Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
